💍 Before “I Do” — The One Conversation Every Couple Must Have
Love is the spark. Alignment is the engine. This interactive, earth-toned guide helps you map expectations about
money, children, family, careers, lifestyle, conflict, intimacy, and values—so you build a marriage on purpose.
Alignment
Honesty
Safety
Expectations for the Future: The Core Conversation
Strong marriages don’t happen by accident. They’re designed. This pre-marriage talk covers the eight pillars of a
shared life: finances, children, family dynamics, careers, lifestyle, conflict style, intimacy, and values/vision.
Think of it as a co-founders’ meeting for your love.
Humor break: If your budget has a “coffee” line and your partner’s has a “coffee,
mugs, espresso machine, barista course,” that’s why we plan. ☕️😄
The 8 Pillars You Must Discuss
Finances
Budgeting, debt, saving, joint vs. separate accounts, transparency.
Children
Whether/when, how many, fertility views, parenting roles & discipline.
Family Dynamics
In-law involvement, holidays, boundaries, cultural traditions.
Careers
Ambitions, relocations, study plans, home role balance, sabbaticals.
Lifestyle & Faith
Where to live, travel, health habits, religious practices.
Conflict Style
Cool-down vs. talk-now, repair rituals, no-go behaviors.
Intimacy
Emotional availability, sexual needs, privacy, affection styles.
Values & Vision
Security, adventure, community, growth—what future are we building?
Alignment Check (Quick Snapshot)
Slide where each pillar feels today; get a gentle suggestion for your next conversation.
Tip: Pick one pillar per week—slow and kind beats rushed and reactive.
Money & Home: Where Love Meets Logistics
Money talks can feel awkward—but secrecy is expensive. Decide together how you’ll budget, track debts, save, and
spend. Make a tiny monthly “café summit” to review, adjust, and celebrate small wins.
- Decide accounts: joint, separate, or hybrid—pick rules and review yearly.
- Debt map: list all balances & rates; agree a payoff order.
- Goals jars: emergency fund, home, travel, education—auto-save.
- Fun money: no questions asked pocket money—for sanity and smiles.
When We Disagree • When We Connect
Conflict isn’t the problem; repair is the solution. Pre-agree on a pause signal, a cool-down window, and a
repair ritual. For intimacy, share needs and boundaries with tenderness, especially during stressful seasons.
- Pause line: “I’m heated; 20-minute reset, then I’ll come back kind.”
- Repair: “I’m sorry for my tone. Here’s what I heard, here’s my need.”
- Intimacy ask: “I’m craving more non-sexual affection this week—walks & cuddles?”
- Yes/No/Maybe: share comfort zones kindly; update as life changes.
Are We Ready to Set a Date?
Frequently Asked Questions
What if we disagree on having kids?
Should we combine all finances?
How do we set in-law boundaries kindly?
We fight differently—now what?
How often should we review expectations?
Plan the Marriage, Not Just the Wedding
Alignment is love in action. When you talk through the future—honestly, patiently, playfully—you protect your
joy and multiply your peace. Before you say “I do,” make sure you’ve said “let’s plan.”